so I listened to a song today that I havent heard for about two years... my faverite techno song... Water Rave.
and all these memories came back to me.... it kinda helped that I was reading about the nineties but you know. anywho, I havent even thought or remembered my childhood in years.. but.. all this together made it all come back.

MY CHILDHOOD:

so when I was born my mom was on drugs. lots of drugs. I'm suprised I didnt overdose from herion when I was born. and I feel really lucky. but it could be why I have epilepsy. anyway. shortly after I was born I was taken away from my mom and moved in with my grandma and grandma out in gresham. we lived on 5 acres on Mckinley rd. I had everything a kid could ever want. horses, a huge playset(handmade by my grandfather), a small dirtbike, a treehouse, tons of videogames, barbies, toys, stuffed animals, and a loving grandma and grandpa. the only thing i didnt have. was my mother. my father would visit sometimes. but my mom had gone to jail when I was around three. so I didnt even know who she was. when I was seven I had casts on both of my legs because my tendons are shorter than everyone elses. a couple months after getting those I had my first siezure... my legs pounding together in sparadic motions. my mouth foaming horribly. thank the lord I was asleep for this... but I kept slightly waking up... I woke up twice when I was getting carried to the ambulance. passed back out and then woke up with three IV's in my arm. most horrible experience of my life. well.... another couple months after that I was playing donkey kong on super nintendo in my room when I heard a huge crash in the kitchen. I run out there(hobble more likely because of the casts) and find my grandpa lieing on the kitchen floor shaking violently with star gazed eyes. I called for my grandma as he lay there me by his side. but she couldnt here me. so my next action. clanking my casts. she would think I was having a siezure. and she came running. she told me to run down to the nieghbors houseas she called 911. I ran(hobbled) as fast as I could down there. I sat in thier house for an hour trying not to worry too much as I heard three abulances racing towards my house. ten minutes past.. a phone call... my grandpa passed away from a heart attack. it was deeply emotional but I refused to go to the hospital or the morgue to see him. I just couldnt do it.
when I turned nine I finally met my mom. she was gorgeous. and even though I was angry at her for leaving me I still decided to move in with her. I couldnt take the hurt from that house anymore. so thats when we moved to scappoose.... e lived together just her and me and my brother moved with my dad to wisconsin. then my mom got a boyfriend.. his name was scott... they were together till I was thirteen. I fucking hated him. I told him to leave my mom alone and leave our life(for reasons I wont say). the house we lived in was in st.helens even though I still went to school in scappoose. that house was horrible. I had the master bedroom upstairs. the house was haunted. one night I was listening to a song by POD (I cant remember which song) passed out.. and dont know why but woke up to devils night by D12... I didnt even have that cd nor did I think it came out yet. there were burns on my arms(Im not joking I can show you if you wish the scars are still here) my mom thought I was depressed and put me on sorts of medication... but that didnt stop the sighting of haunting. late nights I would sit up afraid to sleep. I had found blood in my closet. dead squrriels on the balcony, the smell of rotting flesh haunted me in that house.
after three months of torture my mom got rid of scott and we moved back to scappoose. living with my grandma pj for a short time. by that point I was depressed, lonely, and just almost totaly crazy. I took up smoking ciggeretes and pot.
after living there for a couple weeks we moved out and lived in a trailor on bird road. when I actually started hanging out with a girl named serra(her family was friends with mine) she made me sane and happy again. from there things went up hill. until my mom got back togther with scott.... we moved again and lived on the dike on a gravel road.... that house was horrible as well. I started getting "depressed" again. beating the shit out of the house. not caring what my mom said. starting fights with scott just to piss him off. smoking pot on a daily basis. packs of ciggeretes gone two packs in a day. I told my mom if she didnt leave him. I would leave... after fighting over that for awhile. she left him. we moved again and lived on oak st. living there was nice. but I got new friend and started causing trouble. lost my virginity spring break of 8th grade..... finally my mom met jimmy. she met him at a bar. and the next day told me to go ask him to have dinner with us(he lived two streets down) he has been with us ever since. and now we live on 6th street with a nice house, a nice car, my mom got married, I'm happy finally.
now I have alot of good friends... a loving boyfriend whom I love very much(I love you sooo much shaun... you dont even know) and my life has turned around. I play rugby, I'm in the advanced choir, my grades are up, my friends love me as do I love them. I have made a miraculous change in my life... and plan on keeping it this way....

sorry... all that from a song....
wierd...

-maddie